Unlocking My Prison

And even before we were married, with white-knuckled fists, I held on to our relationship through waning romantic effort… unhealthy boundaries at home and work… addiction… neverending counseling appointments… promise after broken promise.. Lie after lie… Trying to control him… begging him to change…

All because I was too terrified to figure out who I was on my own. To face the reality of me.

Finding My Path When It’s Covered in Leaves

I have a hard time knowing when to stop. Rushing through each day hoping I’ll have the stamina to complete it. It’s a race between my energy and the clock. And the sun goes down, my daughter drifts off, and I melt into a puddle on the floor.

But actually, it’s the couch. And there’s Netflix. And eating. So much eating…

And at some point – if I can muster the tiniest bit of self control – I peel myself up and plod reluctantly to bed.

This is where I found myself exactly one month ago. Only it was before lunch – I was staring at my computer – and I just felt heavy. My body was tired. My mind was exhausted. And, possibly what troubled me the most, my heart was empty. I had absolutely nothing left to give.